Let’s face it…we all want a bit of Romance in our lives…with our with out a partner. Dating is frustrating. Marriage is challenging. Divorce is brutal. We all want something that makes us swoon…and romance often tops that list.
I am asked all the time what “romance” is. Truthfully, it is so radically different for so many people…that it’s tough to boil it down to a short list of things. This post is how to romance a mom…THIS mom.
1. PICK UP YOUR SHIT! For the love of all things Michael Buble…pick up your shit! Do you know how unromantic it is for me to pick up your wadded up, three times worn smelly drawers? No…well, let me put it in perspective for you…I will, next menstrual cycle, leave my supplies all over the bathroom. I will leave wrappers, strings, paper strips…all of it just lying around so you can wade through them to get to the bathroom…isn’t that fun? Why the tears big boy? Oh, you don’t like that stuff just lying around…neither do I bacon strip bandit…pick up your shit!
2. Load the damn dishwasher like you have an attention span! Seriously…I know that men can eat a meal off a plate that has been licked clean by the family husky…women, not so much…unless of course you are the woman who shared her cup of coffee with her dog the other day at the vets office….GAG! There is an art to loading the dishwasher and tossing all the dishes in there like some crack fueled game of tinker toys is not the way. There are slots and spots for a reason. There are lower and upper levels for a reason. If you melt ONE MORE FREAKING TUPPERWARE LID…Imma lose my shit!!!
3. Get your lazy ass off the couch on a Sunday and help me around the house. For real, I don’t care if you sit watching sports 99.9% of the day hand in your pants, hanging onto your best friend for dear life…for that other 0.01% of the day, open your eyes and see that I am doing stuff and could use your help. It’s not funny when I ask for a hand and you give me a round of applause. It’s not cute when you sit marinating in your own stench ignoring me wrestling with the vacuum and folding eleventy billion pairs of socks and undies. You would get a post game blowjob if you just got off your ass and gave me a hand on Sundays. Mkay????
4. Dutch Oven is so 11 year old boy! While you may think that I will be even remotely amused with the emissions that squeak out of your body, you got another thing coming little buddy. It’s not funny. I do get up in the middle of the night and go sleep with the kids. I have punched you full on at 2 am when you are eaking out your own little philharmonic concert. Ever heard of beano jerk face? Yes? BUY A BOTTLE!
5. ACT like I am the hottest piece of ass you have ever seen once in a while! If I ask you how I look, it’s not because I couldn’t find the full length mirror, it’s because I want to hear you say “you look AMAZING!” Lie to me if you have to. Just for once, could you pretend to look at me like you did when we first met? I remember hearing my clothing being mentally torn off by you, I’d like to hear that again…sometimes.
Just because I am an exhausted mom doesn’t mean I don’t care about romance and getting my sexy on once in a while. In fact, if you romanced me, I guarantee we’d get our sexy on and on and on! Oh, and flowers and chocolate occasionally work too.
Natalie












