Maniacal Mom's Moments

Let’s face it…we all want a bit of Romance in our lives…with our with out a partner.  Dating is frustrating.  Marriage is challenging.  Divorce is brutal.  We all want something that makes us swoon…and romance often tops that list.

I am asked all the time what “romance” is.  Truthfully, it is so radically different for so many people…that it’s tough to boil it down to a short list of things.  This post is how to romance a mom…THIS mom.

1.  PICK UP YOUR SHIT!  For the love of all things Michael Buble…pick up your shit!  Do you know how unromantic it is for me to pick up your wadded up, three times worn smelly drawers?  No…well, let me put it in perspective for you…I will, next menstrual cycle, leave my supplies all over the bathroom.  I will leave wrappers, strings, paper strips…all of it just lying around so you can wade through them to get to the bathroom…isn’t that fun?  Why the tears big boy?  Oh, you don’t like that stuff just lying around…neither do I bacon strip bandit…pick up your shit!

2.  Load the damn dishwasher like you have an attention span!  Seriously…I know that men can eat a meal off a plate that has been licked clean by the family husky…women, not so much…unless of course you are the woman who shared her cup of coffee with her dog the other day at the vets office….GAG!  There is an art to loading the dishwasher and tossing all the dishes in there like some crack fueled game of tinker toys is not the way.  There are slots and spots for a reason.  There are lower and upper levels for a reason.  If you melt ONE MORE FREAKING TUPPERWARE LID…Imma lose my shit!!!

3.  Get your lazy ass off the couch on a Sunday and help me around the house.  For real, I don’t care if you sit watching sports 99.9% of the day hand in your pants, hanging onto your best friend for dear life…for that other 0.01% of the day, open your eyes and see that I am doing stuff and could use your help.  It’s not funny when I ask for a hand and you give me a round of applause.  It’s not cute when you sit marinating in your own stench ignoring me wrestling with the vacuum and folding eleventy billion pairs of socks and undies.  You would get a post game blowjob if you just got off your ass and gave me a hand on Sundays.  Mkay????

4.  Dutch Oven is so 11 year old boy!  While you may think that I will be even remotely amused with the emissions that squeak out of your body, you got another thing coming little buddy.  It’s not funny.  I do get up in the middle of the night and go sleep with the kids.  I have punched you full on at 2 am when you are eaking out your own little philharmonic concert.  Ever heard of beano jerk face?  Yes?  BUY A BOTTLE!

5.  ACT like I am the hottest piece of ass you have ever seen once in a while!  If I ask you how I look, it’s not because I couldn’t find the full length mirror, it’s because I want to hear you say “you look AMAZING!”  Lie to me if you have to.  Just for once, could you pretend to look at me like you did when we first met?  I remember hearing my clothing being mentally torn off by you, I’d like to hear that again…sometimes.

Just because I am an exhausted mom doesn’t mean I don’t care about romance and getting my sexy on once in a while.  In fact, if you romanced me, I guarantee we’d get our sexy on and on and on!  Oh, and flowers and chocolate occasionally work too.

Natalie

I spend a lot of time in my mom mini van.  A LOT of time.  I have a shift work job which has me on the road as early as 3:00 am or as late as 3:00 depending on the shift.  I also own my own business, so I am doing deliveries, going to parties, hauling stock, picking up products, meeting with women.  The list is endless.  Now that my kids are in school full time, they aren’t with me as much in the van, however, they used to spend a great deal of time tagging along with mom.

As I look at some of my friends who are just now entering the parenting area, I thought I would offer up some great Mom Inspired Driving Tips to make  life just a bit easier on them.

1.  Pack Snacks!  Snacks for the kids, snacks for you.  Snacks that are EASILY opened.  The last thing you want to do is drive down the freeway wrestling open a plastic package that is mom proof.  I always have granola bars, goldfish crackers, fruit and nut mixes, mini chocolate bars…after all I am a woman!  I also love the little packs of mini carrots that the grocery stores sell.  Those are fantastic for a feel good taste good snack.  I also have juice boxes at the ready as well.  If I know that we will be in the car longer than usual, I will freeze them the night before and they serve double duty…one to keep us hydrated and two to keep the food cool if I bring along veggies or fruit.  I also have bottled water in a box in the back of my van.  I keep 4-6 bottles in there all the time.  Water is super important to have in the car at all times, it stops me from going into the drive through or the convenience store to grab soda.

2.  Keep well stocked on movies in the van.  I have a van that has a DVD player in it.  I love the DVD player.  Before you go all…my kids don’t need a movie in the car…we play games….sometimes, a Diego movie can save the trip.  Getting stuck in traffic is not fun, especially when you are 4 years old and there are no more Eye Spy things that interest you in the car.  I try to choose DVDs that are filled with music, laughter, education and fun.  I love the Sesame Street ones and I love the Treehouse TV ones.  We can all sing along to the songs and we can all laugh at the silly stuff.  We also have Scooby Doo Cartoons and now we have added Shaun the Sheep and Wallace and Grommit to the mix.  It sure helps the kids cope with long days sometimes.

3.  A GREAT blue tooth headset.  Don’t go for the cheap $19.99 headset.  It won’t pair properly with your phone, the battery will die quickly.  It will crackle and snap in your ear.  Invest in a good quality blue tooth headset.  Many big box stores will now set it up on your phone when you buy there and get you all ready to go.  Hands free chatting is law in many places now, better safe than sorry.

4.  A multi use car charger.  I have a mini usb charger that can charge my phone and the kids DS game.  There are plugs in the back for the charger so there is no tears over a game dying or the phone dying.

5.  GPS or a GPS enabled phone.  I am so directionally challenged it isn’t even funny.  I would turn left when I had to turn right, I would go East when I have to go West…it’s a nightmare when I have to rely on a paper map.  Forget the tiny writing and the vague streets!  I love my GPS enabled phone.  I can get directions “from my location” and back again.  I can get points of interest…a coffee shop or a grocery store.  GPS has saved my butt more than once and let me tell you…it has saved my relationship many times too.  No more arguing over stopping and asking for directions!

Driving can be stressful, however, when you plan ahead to have a fun trip, it makes all the difference in the world!

“I wrote this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and Esurance blogging program for 8,000 My SocialMoms Rewards Points. For more information on how you can participate, click here.”

Dear Tim Horton’s:

I see you on Twitter answering questions, making funny statements and asking questions.  I have tweeted you a time or two and always received a response fairly quickly.  To be honest, I usually tweet you when I see your employee’s in uniform with their feet on the tables or your restaurants are disgustingly dirty as the photo shows…

I also tweet when I am enjoying a coffee at 4 am when my shifts start and I am trying to gain a sense of stability to begin my day.

After Christmas, I tweeted asking what your new Ceramic Desk Mug held, volume wise, as I had purchased THREE, yes, THREE (clearly I need more water) cups of coffee that day at the Calgary airport and each time, the cashier charged me a different price.  The first time, she charged me for an XL coffee (currently 20 oz).  The next time I handed her my cup and she charged me for a L coffee (currently 16 oz).  The third and final time that day, she charged me for a L coffee refill…again, a totally different price.

The first time she charged me for an XL, I questioned it as I know the bottom of your cup is at least an inch of ceramic, so there is no way that 20 oz of coffee fit in that cup.  However, at 4:30 am, your restaurant is drastically understaffed at the Calgary Airport (1 cashier) and there was a huge lineup behind me, I said fine and walked away…my bad.  I should have FORCED your employee to fill an XL cup and then transfer that volume to my Ceramic mug…PROVING to her that indeed, 20 oz did not fit in the cup.  I paid for an XL coffee while receiving A LOT less than 20 oz.  I went on my day and at coffee break time, went back and handed the gal my cup.  She filled it and proceeded to charge me for a L coffee, less money, OBVIOUSLY.  I was perplexed.  The last time, the cashier had insisted that it did indeed hold XL worth of coffee and charged me for an XL coffee.  Hmmmm….interesting.  Clearly, it is at the discretion of the person working the till.  The third and final coffee break of the day, ceramic mug in hand, I went back…why???  I’m not sure…should have cut my losses and either gone down the the Mac’s store for Seattle’s Best or over to Starbucks…because I KNOW what they charge to fill a reusable mug…they have this wonderful mindset of SAVING THE ENVIRONMENT and give the customer…shockingly….a DISCOUNT when they bring their own mug…CRAZY!!!!!!!  I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!  In a moment of weakness, I simply walked into the Tim’s again and handed the gal my mug.  She filled it and this time…THIS TIME….she charged me for a mug refill…again, EVEN LESS MONEY!!!!!!!  Wow!  That training program you have going on over there is terrific!

I tweeted you….you never responded.

I tried to find the original tweet for information purposes here…however, going back a couple weeks proved to be a lot of tweets on my end…again, I am quite verbose…apparently.  I gave up.  I did tweet you again a few days later, as you hadn’t answered my original tweet…again, a stellar NO RESPONSE from your team.

Today, I tweeted a general tweet voicing my frustration that I had asked quite a simple question regarding how much coffee the ceramic desk mug held…a couple people retweeted me ….and LOW AND BEHOLD…you responded.  By DM.  Clearly not wanting to have a public discussion about 1.  how much coffee the mug ACTUALLY holds and 2. the cost to fill that mug, repeatedly.

In the DM conversation, I again asked how much coffee the mug held and what it should cost to fill it.  You avoided answering that question like I had just asked you to donate doughnuts to a Starbucks Team Convention…dance dance dance….you asked me to call, I stated it was a simple question, you sent me a link….

http://www.timhortons.com/ca/en/menu/merchandise-travel-mugs-and-thermalware.html

was this the mug I was referring to.  Why yes, YES it is….

with the following description:

New! Ceramic Desk Top Mug

Be the envy of the office with the new Tim Hortons Desk Top Mug.  The 14oz. double walled ceramic mug comes complete with a silicone lid featuring a drinking spout.  Suitable for hot and cold beverages, both mug and lid are dishwasher and microwave safe.

NOTICE the 14 oz capacity…so not only did your first employee TOTALLY RIP ME OFF…your staff continued to charge me for a large coffee….16 oz….when the mug didn’t even fit a large coffee capacity.  I don’t wanna assume here that you KNEW the mug only held 14 oz when most people would assume it held 16 oz or a large and would charge…nay….OVER CHARGE people for their cups of coffee….using a mug purchased at your stores, saving you a paper cup each and every time it was used…so, with 10 people using the mug fitting 14 oz, charging for 16 oz or more…saving 20 oz of coffee for every 10 customers, an entire cup of coffee….at $1.64 in Alberta…for each 10 customers….PURE PROFIT in your pocket….no, I won’t even go there for deceptive or predatory marketing….but you know where I am going with this right??????????? I’m not even remotely stupid enough to think that you sell 100 cups of coffee a day…let’s be honest…it’s monumentally more…..

Then, your twitter “person” REFUSES…REFUSES to answer my question…insists that I call…which I WON’T…and leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth….not only for your coffee, but your staff, your restaurants and now your Twitter Account “people” who clearly do not understand that Twitter is Social Media Engagement!  Connecting with your customers…engaging with your customers, giving them just a little bit more so they are even more loyal than they were before you responded to their tweets….

Sad, really.  I asked a simple question…they danced around it like a toddler having to go potty in the middle of WalMart…which I guess…is appropriate as you are the WalMart of the coffee world.

Natalie

I want to share a GREAT story about Christmas with you.  I want to tell you about my daughter, Gorgeous and how the end of Christmas day was a lesson in generosity for all of us.

With extended family, close family, family friends…the endless list of people who give gifts at Christmas time, Gorgeous ended up with $305 in cash and gift cards for Christmas presents.  That’s a lot of “cheese” for a kid.  She put it all in a baggie (the poor white girls purse) and kept it with her all day long.  She didn’t want to lose it and she wanted to show all of us how responsible she was.

As we left Grandma’s house, Gorgeous offered to help carry stuff to the car and in the course of wrestling stuff out the door, she dropped an armful of stuff, baggie included.  She gathered up the stuff off the step and headed to the car.  She tucked the items into the cubby beside the seats and sat down waiting for the rest of us to load the back.  As we zoomed down the highway, she asked me to hand her the baggie filled with her stuff…what stuff I asked…she said the baggie with all her gift cards and money in it…I looked down…no baggie…at all…anywhere.  SHIT!

We spent the 20 minute ride home from Grandma’s frantically searching the car for the baggie filled with gifts.  The further we got from Grandma’s house the higher the anxiety.  She was worried she would upset the people who had given her the gifts.  She was worried her dad and I would be angry with her.  She was worried that she would miss out on the shopping day with the family the next day as there wasn’t really money to replace all those gifts.

When we got home, the baggie still hadn’t been found.  We had called Grandma twice and she and Grandpa and Uncle Shane had headed out several times to look up and down the street to find the baggie filled with gifts…NO LUCK.

Now, by this time Gorgeous was in tears…angry at herself for not having held onto the bag more closely.  Why hadn’t she put it in her pocket?  Given it to her Grandma?  Given it to me??  She was SO STRESSED.  I knew that none of  us would sleep if we didn’t go back out and look at Grandma’s house…I’m a bit anal if you hadn’t figured that out yet reading my blog…I like things “just so.”

We drove back out to Grandma’s house and spent 1/2 an hour walking up and down the dark street, looking in bushes, under cars, around corners and ditches.  Nothing.  Nowhere to be found…I was heartbroken for her.  Not only had she lost a bag that was a significant amount of money, she felt that she had disappointed everyone by losing the bag.  I told her not to worry.  I wasn’t angry with her, just frustrated.

We climbed back into the car for the drive back home.  Tears streaking her face.  She took a deep breath and turned to me and said:

“I am so mad at myself for losing that bag momma.  I should have put it in my coat or given it to you.  I hope that whoever finds the bag with the money in it is someone who had a really bad Christmas and finding my gifts makes their Christmas so much better.”  She smiled at me and turned back and looked out the window.  I knew she was so sad.  $300 is a lot to lose for an adult!!!

When we got back home, Big Red had been out looking in Grandpa’s car…digging under the rugs and behind the seats….and guess what???  He FOUND THE DAMN BAG!  We had looked in Grandpa’s car three times for the baggie.  I was proud of Big Red for looking in the freezing cold.  I was even more proud of Gorgeous for not blaming anyone over the lost bag and for having the heart and charity to believe that if she had truly lost the bag, it would be found by someone who needed that gift from her to make their Christmas better.

In that moment, my heart burst for her.  She had looked at the situation and had made the choice to see the best side of it, rather than blaming everyone for not taking care of her things, she chose to let it go and give it to a better outcome.

If that money had not been found that night, I would have done whatever I had to do to send her boxing day shopping with something in her pocket.  Her heart had shown me that she really did want to see the best in the situation.

I hope you have a heart warming story to share with me about your Christmas!!

Love,

Natalie

I have to admit…we watch A LOT of movies at my house.  My favorite channels are the movie channels and pretty much any time of of the day, you will find a movie running as background noise at my house if I am at home working.

I love ANY kind of movie…name it, I’ll watch it…I might shut that shit off 3 minutes into the film if it’s stupid, but I will watch for the first few minutes anyway.

As a write/work at home mom, I have learned the value of a GREAT kids movie.  It gives me almost 2 hours of uninterrupted writing time and I can get a great deal of writing done.

Here are my TOP FIVE kids movies that give me a break…and I am guessing will do the same for you….

5.  How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  This one is on year round…no matter what…you can find this movie in rotation.  Yes, it’s a Christmas movie.  Yes, it is totally cheesy!  I love this movie…mostly because I love Jim Carrey and how amazing his characters are.  We all love this movie and we first started watching it when my middle daughter was born…December 2nd and she has been Gracie Loo Who since she was only 2 days old!

4.  Who Framed Roger Rabbit.  This one was recently added to our ever growing movie collection.  My daughter picked it out.  Yes, my 11 year old daughter picked it out…amazing.  This from the girl that is 11 going on 21!  She thought it looked like a “fun family movie” and wanted to buy something we could all watch together.  My youngest is mesmerized by the live person/cartoon interaction.  My middle daughter loves the goofy things they do, slapstick style and my eldest wants to look like Jessica Rabbit.

3.  Ghostbusters 1 and 2.  My son LOVES this movie…mostly because people are randomly covered in green slime.  He also likes it because there are “super cool guns that jam ghosts into the boxes!!!”  He now sits with an old vacuum in a backpack and tells everyone he is a Ghostbuster.  If you ever need someone to come over and rid your home of ghouls…my kid’s your man!

2.  Pirates of the Caribbean.  Yes, we saw the movie before we went to the Disneyworld exhibit…and we love it!  This movie has something for everyone with a family ranging from kid to adult.  Johnny Depp is SUPER SEXY and hilarious.  The pirates can make even the most grumpy family member crack a smile.  The romance, the adventure, the swashbuckling…yes, I just said swashbuckling…come on say it with me…SWASHBUCKLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Definitely one of our favorites and gets pulled off the shelf just about every day.

1.  Spy Kids 1, 2, 3 and 4.  Yes, I admit it…we own every single freaking Spy Kids movies!  EVERY SINGLE ONE.  My youngest LOVES these movies…honest to GAWD…I can quote them line for line!  We have copies in our van, copies in the house and copies on the computer…yup yup!  These movies are cute and the actors from first film are the kind of kids that every once in a while you say “I wonder what happened to that kid….”  Again, a great family movie and one that always gives me 90 minutes of uninterrupted working time!

We are always growing our movie stockpile and I would love to hear what are your favorite movies!!!

Natalie

Finally, the end of 2011 is in sight.  Just a mere 48 hours and I will bidding Adieu to this crappy ass year.  I’m glad to see it go.  I’m glad to be ringing in a new year.  I’m glad to be putting all the stress and heartache of 2011 in a little package, wrapping it up and mailing it to hell.

I won’t bore you with the details of why 2011 was so bad…you can go back through this year of blogging and see the tale of how 2011 singled me out and proceeded to vomit all it’s bile up onto my life.  However, that being said…I guess I’m glad 2011 chose me, as a lesser woman would not have survived, let alone thrived through the year.  My family is better, my business is better, my home is better…things are better….no thanks to 2011.

2012 brings it’s own challenges with it.  Finding a path financially to get back on an even keel and get the bills under control…if there is one thing “divorce” does for you, it ups the ante when it comes to money.  Barely being able to breathe financially sucks, but 2012 will be a better year.  I have a plan and I have a goal.  I will do it, because I don’t want my kids to grow up with a financially stressed household.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want them growing up spoiled either, but I want to be able to send $5 to school so they can participate in Pizza Friday.

I have some “resolve” about 2012 as well.  I was pretty much flat out exhausted in 2011. 2012 will be different.  I have installed an app on my phone to make it easier to track what I am eating and stop when I’ve hit my limit.  In the world of shift work, it’s normal to have soda at the “breakfast” hour and cereal at midnight.  Your clock is all kinds of messed up!  I have set a schedule to go to the gym.  I will have to miss other things to hit the gym for an hour some days, but that’s okay, because right now, what I am missing is me!  Losing me is not worth gaining an hour of tv…or whatever….

I am no longer relying on other people to help make my schedule work.  I will do what I need to do to make my life work for me…everyone else can figure out how they fit into my life and not the other way around.  I am tired of being the one to do all the driving, all the planning and all the doing of getting together.  If they want to see me, they will call, email, text….use the communication method that works for them.  They will make the plans and invite me to show up.  I am no longer the social calender director for everyone.  I have an open door policy.  Call me and come over for a coffee…it’s always on here.  Call me and let me know you are going to a movie, which one and what time, I will do my best to be able to go too.  I am done being the one that makes all the plans and does all the work.

I will write more.  I feel better after I write…I feel like I’ve had some therapy and things have gotten off my chest.  I want to write for an income and I am working on my skills and my ability so that I am the best writer I can be and I am writing about things that I have a passion for.  If you have writing prompts or ideas please send them my way so I can keep on top of it all.

I am going to scrapbook more and make more cards.  This is do JUST FOR ME.  I love it.  I can spend hours up to my ears in paper, eyelets, brads and ribbon. Fingers coated in glue and ink.  It is my time to refuel and connect to the inner artist in me.  Maybe you all will benefit from my obsession and find a card in your mailbox one day!

What does 2012 have in store for you?

Natalie